pink petals

“…. & all, all I really want is you- you to stick around; I’ll see you everyday, but you have to follow throughh..”

The past few days have been fairly interesting. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs, thats for sure. Tonight, Christine came up to visit me and that was really nice. She stopped at my house to pick up Peanut and bring him with her, and that was really great to see my little doggy! I miss him far too much. It was great to get out of the house with all the girls and just go to the park and hang out and talk- we’re cooped up all day, we need it. After having treatment team yesterday, I got kind of upset, even though for the first time I kind of got some good news. They said they’d like me to do a full week next week, and then the week after come 3 days a week, and do that for probably another week, and then they’re looking at discharge for me =) It’s starting to feel so crazy. I remember when I got there, 4 weeks ago today. I never thought there would ever be an end in sight. I got upset though, because I was changing my mind about living up here the rest of the summer, and didn’t know if it was too late, etc. After all, I kind of what to experience at least a few weeks of summer! So, I think I might stay at my grandma’s house, that way I can be in my home town and hang out with friends but also independent as far as meals go. Anyway, I was upset and crying, and Bruce came to comfort me and talk to me- which was really nice because I’m not used to having a male role model in my life. One thing he said was that its okay to be upset, and even though my ED might be giving me thoughts that I’m no further in recovery, if this had happened 4 weeks ago I probably would have been upset and then either binged or not ate, but this time I was able to eat snack and let myself experience emotions, and thats progress I’ve made. I never thought of it from that point of view, so it was helpful to hear that. Its hard sometimes to only have my mom as the only person in my life. I figured out today that maybe food has become my drug of choice because my father isn’t a huge part of my life and who else do you turn to when you fight with your mom? Food isn’t going any where. It’s crazy that I’m able to identify some of these things in my life now. Anyway, that was probably TMI haha but that’s okay. I like to just vent. If you don’t like it- you don’t have to read it. That’s the beauty of it! =) I also had them fill out a physical form for when I go back to school and they cleared me for participating in sports- I’m so excited. That means I will be able to dance! I’d be so sad if I couldn’t dance! I’m pretty tired right now though, even though its really early- I think I’m going to get cleaned up, visit with the girls some more, and get to bed early. I’m going home for the weekend after program- yay! Laterrrr! XO


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