XOXO


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“Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and exprect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on the the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!”     -Christian D. Larson

Thought thought was a nice quote. After everything I’ve been through, I know God has a plan for my life- its kinda crazy at times, but i’ve grown so much as a person from the hand i’ve been dealt. I’ve been hating being single lately, and getting frustrated with that, but I know/pray that He leads me to the person I should be dating- someone who is a support system, a role model, lover, yet possessing a bit of independence. I guess being single helps me learn about myself and what I need and want in a person, as well as what is important to me. I don’t care if you’re a boy or girl, black or white, young or old, skinny or fat: I’ll love you. Sometimes its just meant to be, and when I find you, i’ll know.

I was thinking about my next door neighbor having breast cancer, and realized that although it runs in my family, this is the first time i’ve been closely affected. Life is short. I’m scared of dying, and I’m scared of the world ending in my lifetime, the way everyone stresses the 2010 phenomenon. That’s next year. I love life- living and growing- it’sa amazing journey and I just don’t want it to end so soon. Maybe I’m crazy for thinking this way. A lot of people seek ‘heaven,’ or their respective form of life after death, as this place of happiness, where there is no pain, heartache, or any bad emotions- no hate, no fear, nothing. I can understand why that is desirable. However, because I’ve gone through so much in my life, constant struggles and curveballs thrown my way, I’ve learned to love that feeling of overcoming a hardship placed into my life. Its the BEST feeling for me to know that I’ve come up with a solution to a problem thats changed the plan I had in mind for my life. At the time, nobody likes struggling. It’s that feeling of overcoming adversity that feels SO good. Is it wrong that I want to keep living? I want to live until i’m old and wrinkled, having experienced so many different things and overcoming all the rough patches in my life. I want that to continue. What if people are right about 2010, and the world comes to an end? I won’t get to do all those things. It’s just weird to me, and maybe I’m crazy, but I can’t imagine things as all positive, happy, etc. [[some feedback would be nice]]-

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One comment

  1. Hey love! I love how HONEST you are and how in touch you are with what you think about life. I think you have really legitimate fears, concerns and joys. You are right that there is so much joy and fulfillment from seeing adversities and troubles conquered. I feel the same way since I have been through a lot too. As I have overcome a lot as well and been following Jesus for awhile now, I have come to realize that there is even MORE to life than that thrill of overcoming personal adversities. God intends to use the hardships that we’ve been through to show the world the commitment and power He has for His people.

    What I am saying too is that God never intended for us to live with adversity, but because of the world becoming this messed up from the time Adam sinned, sickness, pain and hardship exists. We know ourselves so little that what we long for in the deepest part of ourselves is peace, belonging, calm and security.

    But indeed this life (here on earth) is meant to for us to be stretched to the max and give ourselves for a purpose. Not only for the sake of enjoying ourselves and having a “thrill ride” life, but living selflessly and for the sake of enhancing the amount of love others have in their lives. I think even more fulfillment comes from that than seeking my own personal thrill.

    The fulfillment I get is from knowing that God is powerful enough to let my adversities shine so that other’s lives will change too, that God loved me enough to send Jesus to save me (us), that He provides people in my life that I love and love me, and then the fact that after being banged up in this life by extending ourselves to others, being sinned against, yada yada, there is a paradise waiting for us that is JUST for us and our fulfillment. I figure I’ll have more time to be selfish up there because there will be nothing but joy and peace from Christ up there!

    Anyway, this is so discombobulated…like 20 things have happened in my house since I started writing this but hopefully it makes sense. Thanks for sharing, love u girl 😉

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